"Daddy, I just don't know what to do!" she cried into the phone.
"What do you mean, my dear daughter?" His Hungarian accent was much thicker than hers.
"It's Johnny."
"Yes? How is my beloved son-in-law?"
"Daddy... I just don't know what to do!"
"Yes? You can tell me. I am your father. I do not pass judgment. I only offer opinions, and they are not worth much because I am only a shoemaker."
"Johnny drinks an entire bottle of wine each night!"
"Oh my, I can see now why you are troubled. One bottle is quite a lot. My fifth wife, Udit, used to drink that much each night. Her drinking brought our marriage to an end. Her tantrums were incredible! Granted, she is half Johnny's size, but, a gallon of wine..."
"Er... Daddy? Did you say one gallon?"
"Yes."
"Johnny doesn't have that much! He drinks the smaller bottles. Udit drank a gallon?"
"Yes."
How much is that in liters?"
"Oh, my dear daughter, I still don't know what a gallon is in liters. It is an English thing. But it is a lot more than a liter! I know that much. So Johnny only drinks the half gallon then?"
"No Daddy. He drinks the 750ml bottle."
"Oh dear. This is what you are worried about?"
"Yes Daddy."
The old Hungarian shoemaker chuckles through the phone.
"Daddy?"
"I have a confession to make. And now I am, I worry, the one to bring shame upon the family."
"What is it?"
"I can only tell you if you promise not to judge your father."
"Yes. Yes. I promise."
"Well. You see. For more than 40 years, I have been drinking 1 liter of wine a night, and now I am nearly 70, but the ladies all say I am as vigorous as a man in his 50's."
"1 liter!"
"Yes, this is my confession to you, my dear daughter, but you must never tell your brothers of this horrible sin your father brings to the family."
"But Daddy! Your health! You drink more than Johnny!"
"The wine is what gives me my health, my dear child. Don't the American doctors now confirm this ancient truth?"
"Not a liter!"
"Well, it is only smart to be conservative with medical opinions."
"They say 2 glasses, not a bottle, not a liter, not a gallon!"
"My daughter, I will tell you a story about your grandfather. He had 12 children, was a religious man, and respected throughout the village. Did you know that he drank a liter of wine each day?"
"No."
"You see, he kept a barrel of wine under the floorboards of the pantry and only the neighbor lady knew the secret. Each morning, Papa would arise at 5 in the morning, fill his liter of wine from the barrel, and then lower it into the well to cool. At noon, with his lunch, he'd drink half, and at supper he'd drink the other half. For 50 years he did this. He made many children and instructed many grandchildren, and everyone, his family, the village, and even the village doctor sought him for his wisdom. At 80-years-of-age, he could still work in the fields all day with the 20-year-old boys. Then the Communists came. They searched Papa's house, found his barrel of wine, and took it away. The next week, Papa died in his sleep.
When the phone call ended, and each said, "I love you," Daddy's little girl uncorked a fresh bottle of wine, poured out a glass, and delivered it to Johnny with a kiss and a smile.
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